Waiting to Break Through the Barrier

In the five years of having tinnitus and hyperacusis,  I've struggled with it all. Work issues, severe illness, doctor searches, trial and error treatments "of symptoms" not the tinnitus and hyperacusis itself; along with learning to accept my condition, cope, and adapt.

There's been a barrier between me and the world I used to live in. A barrier that can't be seen, but forever keeps me from the norm. Those who have it too, know what I'm talking about. Difficulty washing dishes, the opening and closing of doors can be painful, certain activities can spike one's tinnitus and it's a guessing game at when the next crippling moment of hyperacusis will hit.

Looking back on life before having tinnitus and hyperacusis, as wrong as the world is, it was right. We've all had that moment of saying to ourselves, "I just want my life back".

The struggles on my journey have been exhausting and filled with uncertainty. I've learned a lot about myself, my condition, and the world in which we live. A world filled with noise. I don't think there is any place on earth left to silence.

By educating myself on my conditions it really helps with the uncertainty of it all and reduces stress. So for anyone new to this way of life I highly recommend educating yourself about your condition and the symptoms you are having.

Something else I found useful was clearly negative people and negative habits out of my life. I've allowed myself the right to not do something when I'm feeling ill. This comes from a person who never calls off sick, surpasses any job goal and goes above and beyond my own job title duties.

Part of accepting one's condition is accepting there are going to be bad days and extremely worse days. And on those days listen to your body. It will tell you what it needs. Usually, for me, my worse days consist of needing my own space away from the world. a controlled environment of light, sounds, even smells, and a quick and easy cleared route to the bathroom for vomiting. One where I can use the wall or furniture to help me get where I need to go safely due to imbalance issues or a vertigo episode.

Five years in, I feel like I have an emergency management plan in place at my home. And while my doctors have all done a wonderful job getting me this far with a managed care plan of restrictions, accommodations, treatments for symptoms and controlling flare up, there's always going to be those moments that just hit me. 

In which case, I'm well educated now in what to do as I wait out the storm. Crackers and water by my bed, darkened room. volume control low enough for my hyperacusis but loud enough to help with any tinnitus spikes. Medication at the ready and a relaxing atmosphere. 

Whether it's surrounding myself in pillows or taking a nice warm soak... comfort is of the utmost importance during spikes.

There are plenty of things we can still do, but the world needs to know these conditions can be just as crippling as any other... whether it's a disability of deafness, blindness, or inability to walk or as severe as having cancer.. vomiting until you can't take it anymore.

We must education general practitioners, so they can recommend patients to the right specialists whether it's for severe ringing in the ears, imbalance and processing issues, or sound sensitivity. After all general practitioners are the first line of defense.

Each morning I wake to wonder if today will be the day. The day my habilitation has broken through that barrier separating me and the world. That day grows closers for us all. And everyone will reach it in their own time.

However, I don't want to forget what I have learned, what I experienced, and what I have become. The norm will never be the same again. For I now have a higher awareness of the world which we all live and know, noise pollution is of great concern for all. 

We cannot go back to ignorance after such an experience as this....