2014 New Year Resolution

It's no secret that 2013 changed my life in ways I could not have imagined. After my surgery which the doctor quoted as 'routine and simple' I had to deal with the shock of it all, the hearing loss, the pain, the mind blowing confusion in my head as my eyes saw one thing and my ears heard another it was as if my senses were at war with each other and still are to this day.

After months and months of struggling with it, trying to gain back my independence and keep my job I was forced to take a medical leave. It wasn't anything I did nor the company; it was the fact that it was just an incompatible environment for me now.

Though being at home had its rewards like being able to sleep in after not getting one ounce of shuteye from the #tinnitus and being able to control the sounds around me which affected my #hyperacusis it was definitely not for me. 72% of tinnitus sufferers can't sleep due to the ringing in their ears.

I'm so use to running a very physical and mental challenging lifestyle, 73% of tinnitus suffers have their quality of life affected be this debilitating condition. My first week I shampooed the rugs, changed my living room around, steam cleaning my bathroom and realized though the hyperacusis was somewhat more bearable; not pain fear the tinnitus had now flared up even worse.

I wasn't keeping my mind as occupied as an average work day would and the cold winter season had set in. Any form of outing amplified the hyperacusis so while I could control it in some form within the confine of my own home as soon as I walked out my front door I was in pain.

This would not do, as 2013 was coming to a close I grew angry that every little noise I was hearing was causing my pain, making me irritable and literally holding me prisoner in my own home. The stores were too crowded and to loud. The vehicles in the winter time are louder because the engines are so cold, brakes squeaked, fan belts even the landscaped echoed from hallow streets.

All those wires hanging from pole to pole now gave off a high pitch sound, a buzzing if you will. The bitter cold wind did nothing but make my ears ache and cause infection and inflammation. Winter was fast becoming my first season I would ever hate. All of this suddenly made me even more sensitive in my own home, every pots and pan clanking, silverware, drawer being open refrigerator buzzing, 'God Help Me' I suddenly turned into the most emotional moody person on earth.

Then one day I had enough, I was angry at the doctor, angry at myself, angry at the world and said, ‘That’s it!' I'm done with all of this, I wasn't getting any calls back from doctors and the ones I did told me the doctor visit was covered by my insurance but the treatment wasn't. What type of health coverage is that! 

So I sat down, took a good hard look at what was happening, I needed to keep my mind busy, I needed to get sleep! So many out there take medication to help them though such a situation but I don't. I am by far one of the most sensitive people out there, soaps, detergents, spring allergies, fall allergies, dust, mold, mildew and medications. I have a list like Santa Clause to medications that I can't take. So a sleep aid is just not right for me.

I took a deep breath, told myself I could do it and took a trip, had a wonderful time minus the tinnitus and hyperacusis following me. I'm afraid it's something you just can't leave behind. When I was away I saw something and I came to the realization I may never be able to work at my profession again. I needed to decide what to do with my life now. Years of hard work, studying, getting certified all for nothing.

Do you really think I'm such a negative thinker? Everything we do gives us a drop of wisdom if nothing else from it.

I came back from my trip, sent in my resume', my sample work and waited. I thought the worst that can happen is; I'm told no. With everything that has happened in my life this last year was I really going to be afraid of being told no. Not a chance!

Four days later I received news, I had a job! Something I can do controlling the environment I'm in. I keep my mind busy, I gain experience as I go credibility and there you have it welcome 2014!

So good bye 2013, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Hello 2014... onward and upward I say. My new year resolution is to be an advocate for me, I'm taking back my life and demanding to be heard. I can only do what I can do. Though I may look like you and act like you I suffer from tinnitus and hyperacusis. It is up to me to take care of my body physically, mentally and spiritually. And though I say no to phones, crowded places, any many of the everyday sounds most don't even realize are there; I am more than capable of striving for a better life, a happier life, a healthier life. I know my limits all I ask is that the world help me find myself in it by not using sound for everything because it causes me 'pain' any many many others.